I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
