I'll bet she douches with gravy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
