dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
