my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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