New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
