Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
