Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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