This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
