please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Drunk is a universal language darling
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
