she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
