Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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