What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
