She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
