I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
