The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
