someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
