My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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