Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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