i don't like sucking hair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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