So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
