I'm gonna have a badass scar
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
