my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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