You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
