tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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