She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
