When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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