you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Success! We fucked roommates!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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