a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
