Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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