I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
