We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
