I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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