Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
