the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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