i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
