Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
