Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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