I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
