maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
