I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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