my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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