Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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