wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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