I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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