Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
