Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
