He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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