its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
