I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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