Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
