I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
