Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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