i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
